__Hello. I hope you had a good Halloween. This post is going up on November 5th, so if you happen to be reading this in the UK, happy Bonfire Night.🙂
__Today's collection of Twitter-length reviews is a long one, because I watched quite a lot of both movies and video game longplays in October. I'll get into more details later, but the short version is: to celebrate the Halloween season, I had two marathons of horror movies, one at each end of the month, and there were a lot of video games in between, many of which were short because they were retro Disney games that I wanted to check out. And to top it all off, one of those Disney games inspired me to write a full 250-word review, which I'll save for the end.
__The first movie marathon was rather fortunately timed, because I was incapacitated anyway. After avoiding it for over two-and-a-half years, and despite all my best efforts, I tested positive for COVID-19 on October 6th.🙁 I'm fully vaccinated, so thankfully it didn't hit me too hard. For the most part, it was nothing worse than a blocked nose; if I hadn't tested myself, I would have thought it was just a regular cold.
__The first day was definitely the worst. My stomach was complaining with a constant gassy feeling like I was about to puke but didn't, so I couldn't eat or drink much. But worse than that, because I'd got so little sleep the night before, I was drifting on and off all day, and my mind was a ceaseless flurry of nonsensical images, like I was in a perpetual dream. Dealing with that was unbearable! It was like trying to find order in a ten-square-mile landfill.
__Luckily, I recovered pretty smoothly. My diet was back to normal two days later, and I tested myself again after a full week, and it was negative.🙂 I guess I couldn't avoid COVID forever, but I'm glad my case was very mild. If you or anyone you know wasn't so lucky, you have my deepest sympathies.
__With that said, let's start talking about what I watched to get me through it, and throughout the rest of the month as well. So get comfortable, and let's begin.🙂
__First come the movies I've seen in the cinema since I last checked in. I saw the first two on the same day, mere hours after I posted last month's entry on October 1st.
A whodunit that tries to be self-aware but isn't all that witty about it; it addresses the genre clichés, but then follows those clichés anyway. Worst of all, it makes Saoirse Ronan unbearable; I hate characters who babble incessantly!
My rating: 55%.
The entity's effect on people could be seen as an allegory for mental illness: how it's a lonely struggle, and other people often dismiss them as "just nuts". Our heroine strives to understand the curse before her time expires. Sound familiar?
My rating: 60%.
Colm wants to forget about mundanity and create something extraordinary, and there's so much tediously repetitive dialogue that I found myself agreeing with him. The cinematography implies that the main theme is loneliness.
My rating: 70%.
__Now for the movies I watched at home.
__Like I said, I had two movie marathons to celebrate the month of Halloween. I began the month by rewatching the Halloween series, because it's been so long since I saw most of them that I wanted to refresh my memory. (Except for Halloween: Resurrection: it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen, so I'd rather pretend it didn't happen.) The only one I hadn't seen before is Halloween Kills, so that's the only one that'll be commented on here.
__I paired each Halloween movie with something else, so I was watching two movies a day. The first of the secondary movies was Hocus Pocus, and the rest were all drawn from a common source. Even after fifteen years, I still hadn't seen everything that James Rolfe reviewed on the first series of Cinemassacre's Monster Madness, so I thought it was high time I changed that. The only remaining holdout now is Roger Corman's Poe series, which I'm postponing because I still haven't read any of the original Poe stories.
__The second movie marathon was also Monster Madness-related. I make it a tradition every Halloween to watch some horror movies I haven't seen before, and this year I chose six from Monster Madness series three. Interestingly, I started on them the day before Halloween because I didn't think I'd have time to watch them all on the day, and I ended up finishing the set the day after because my sister suggested we spend Halloween evening watching some other horror movies together.
__And in between the two sets are a pair of movies from this year that I rented on Google Play: Minions: The Rise of Gru and The Black Phone.
There's nothing frightening or funny about the three witches; they're just annoying. The acting is universally bad, but the worst performance by far has to be those two bullies. So no, watching it won't become a Halloween tradition for me!
My rating: 35%.
The DVD version that I saw has a full orchestral score, including some operatic vocals. On the other hand, due to the print's colouration, the hues in the masked ball scene, while noticeable, aren’t as vibrant as they could be.
My rating: 70%.
The romantic elements are dated, but the horror in the second half is so effective because it plays on the uncertainty of whether the curse of Irena's people is true. The bus stop scene set the template for generations of horror films to come.
My rating: 70%.
A silly but entertaining romp that runs with the idea of a parasite causing fear reactions, and even plays with the audience sometimes. Warren's experiments dip into unethical territory, but he's also willing to make himself a test subject.
My rating: 70%.
The effects are great, and I love the characters' respect for the classic monsters, even if the acting isn't always the best. The Creature from the Black Lagoon gets somewhat shunned, but Frankenstein's monster is adorably innocent.
My rating: 75%.
It poses as a real documentary, and it could have worked better if the acting were convincing. There's nothing natural about the performances; it's all obviously (and poorly) staged. It builds up to an ending that makes no sense.
My rating: 45%.
Its setup is reminiscent of a 50s movie involving an alien invasion of a small town, but modernised with a heavy dose of gore and dark humour. It's a fun movie with underwhelming CGI but brilliant makeup effects, especially on Michael Rooker.
My rating: 65%.
It has some good ideas, like the return of characters from the original and Tommy leading a mob against Michael Myers, but also some stupid moments, like Laurie's changing attitude to Michael's fate, and the main detractor is the ending.
My rating: 65%.
As the title implies, the Minions take a back seat to the young Gru as it becomes a full-on Despicable Me prequel. It's not necessarily the back-story I would have imagined, but the plot and humour are perfectly serviceable.
My rating: 60%.
I can't help but see the supernatural elements as a cop-out that cheapens the very real and horrifying issue of child abduction. The best part is Ethan Hawke, whose character is best summed up when his frowning mask is first revealed.
My rating: 55%.
The plot is good for what it is, but I wouldn't call it the definitive haunted house movie. The atmosphere is its greatest strength; the sound of constant wind and thunder outside ensures that you never notice the absence of music.
My rating: 65%.
Boris Karloff gives a terrific performance as a doctor who invents a way to undo death. He believes he has good intentions, but his actions are condemned by a backward-thinking world – an ever-present problem for scientists.
My rating: 80%.
Although Belial is mostly a puppet, there are some stop-motion scenes. I like the idea of his quest for revenge interfering with Duane's chances of happiness, but any potential it may have had is utterly ruined by consistently awful acting.
My rating: 45%.
The opening involves a horror comic, and the whole movie is like a comic book come to life: the lighting, the occasional panel-like framing, even the wacky backgrounds for emotional impact. My favourite segment is "Something to Tide You Over".
My rating: 80%.
Medical student Herbert West invents a serum that can reanimate the dead, and is determined to revive a corpse with its brain functions fully intact. It's packed with gory fun, great effects, and nudity for good measure; what's not to like?😀
My rating: 70%.
I like its central theme of a toxic relationship; Frank proves to be just as bad an influence on Julia in death as he was in life. The effects are great, as expected, especially the gory detail in the various stages of Frank's restoration.
My rating: 65%.
__Now we go from movies to video games. There are two types: ones I own and ones I'm just watching as longplays. This time, since they're so much fewer in number (and because the full review I'm ending with belongs in the latter category), let's start with the ones I own.
__As I said, I decided to watch longplays of some Disney games from the 8- and 16-bit eras, mainly to get a complete picture of Disney games at that time. This section contains the ones I decided were worth getting myself, so I downloaded them as emulator ROMs.
__Then there are a couple of games in the Hitman series. If you've been reading this blog for a couple of years, you'll know that I've been going through all my unrated games for a while now, in a list arranged by year. My original goal was to see the evolution of games and which ones influenced others. But going one year at a time proved too awkward for sequels because I'd keep forgetting what happened in the previous instalments. I'm on the year 2006 at the moment, and I decided that I'd follow up any sequels that came out that year with the rest of their respective series immediately. One of those sequels was Hitman: Blood Money, which was followed up six years later with Hitman: Absolution. For now at least, I'm only looking at the latter as a continuation of the story, and may miss out on any intervening games from which it drew influence.
My favourite Disney animated feature has a pretty decent platformer in its name. Each level has a certain number of gems scattered throughout; you don't need to find them all to go to the exit, but you unlock a bonus stage if you do.
My rating: 60%.
It takes some notes from the Sega version, but mostly does its own thing. It replaces many stages with new ones, and thankfully removes the time limit. There are still gems to collect, but they're not required to complete the stage.
My rating: 70%.
I still prefer the Sega game, but either way, Aladdin got some of the best video game treatment among Disney movies. The graphics and music are terrific, and you still throw apples as projectiles, but jump on enemies instead of using a sword.
My rating: 75%.
Like Contracts, it's told in flashback recounting seemingly random jobs, but this time there's a coherent framing device linking them together. Highlights include more instances of sniping and some levels where everyone's in costume.
My rating: 65%.
My favourite of the franchise so far, mainly because it has the most cohesive narrative: every level serves the goal of protecting Victoria. It would win regardless thanks to one major innovation: people can see through your disguises!
My rating: 75%.
__I also included The Jungle Book on NES in my Disney marathon, but didn't think it was worth commenting on because it's just an 8-bit port of the Sega game.
__And, before we move on, I have an additional comment on the Sega Jungle Book. The music is good, and not just the tunes from the movie. The only time it suffers is in King Louie's temple. As you might expect, the music is I Wan'na Be Like You, but you can barely hear it through the tidal wave of deafening sound effects the stage bombards you with.
__Now for the games where I watched the longplay and just left it at that.
__Like The Jungle Book, I was looking at multiple versions of each Disney game, and some of them weren't worth commenting on because they were basically identical to another port, but perhaps worse. The Little Mermaid on Game Boy, for example, and Beauty and the Beast on NES.
__I was merely going through the Disney games in order from oldest to newest, but the timing proved quite coincidental for a couple of them. I got to the Beauty and the Beast games the day after Angela Lansbury passed away. And I arrived at Pinocchio shortly after the hype for the upcoming Guillermo del Toro movie began in earnest, so anyone would think my choosing that game was inspired by it.
__Speaking of which, of course plenty of other Disney animated movies received video game adaptations, but Pinocchio is the last one to pique my interest.
__And finally, there are the God of War sequels, a couple more longplays that I watched in my spare time because I felt like it. If I'd stuck to the old year-by-year format, they would have been among a few that I watched before starting on the ones in my library from 2007 and 2010 respectively.
So many collectibles are essential that it makes for a very long experience, but there's not enough charm to maintain interest. You can switch between various characters, and sometimes one can't progress until another opens up the path.
My rating: 55%.
You control Mickey Mouse through various stages inspired by segments from the movie. The levels are a little too chaotic and the ending is pretty anticlimactic, but for a 16-bit Sega rendition of classical pieces, the music's pretty good.
My rating: 50%.
The opening says that Ariel's goal is to save the fish from Ursula's spell, so why is she treating them so badly: trapping them in bubbles and slamming them into walls? The music is generic, and the gameplay has no appeal whatsoever.
My rating: 40%.
The gameplay consists of swimming around mazes in a manner very reminiscent of Ecco the Dolphin. It's far better than the Nintendo game, but once again the only recognisable music cue from the movie is Under the Sea.
My rating: 50%.
A most underwhelming movie-based game. Belle never uses a weapon; she can only avoid enemies by jumping or ducking. The forest and west wing levels are mazes involving lots of paths up and down to the next screen.
My rating: 45%.
Unlike Belle, the Beast just punches any enemies in his way. The graphics are a little more appealing than the other game due to the Beast's aesthetic suiting them better, but the gameplay is just monotonous.
My rating: 45%.
A fairly average platformer, but much better than the pair of Sega games. The levels loosely follow scenes from the movie, including the wolf rescue and the snowball fight. You can roar to freeze enemies and trigger platforms.
My rating: 55%.
Of course a Game Boy port is going to look worse than the Mega Drive original. For me, the biggest downgrade is the number of music tracks, which makes it surreal to hear, for example, A Whole New World in the Desert or Sultan's Dungeon levels.
My rating: 65%.
Despite having about ten levels, it feels like less because most of them are short and they only cover four locations. You spend more time running than fighting back. About half the game is cutscenes, which follow the movie pretty closely.
My rating: 65%.
A mediocre game with top-notch animations that represent the movie well. Almost all the songs from the movie are included. But things fly off the rails towards the end. Why does gravity keep switching underwater? That makes no sense!
My rating: 55%.
It feels like a continuation of the first game in the best ways, with the same invigorating gameplay and Kratos's wrath escalating. The music is great, and it's full of dynamic, cinematic camera angles that emphasise the scale of everything.
My rating: 70%.
Great opening and ending, with another standard quest in between. The series' pessimism reaches its apex: Kratos is fuelled entirely by anger, everyone continually exploits him, and now his thirst for revenge is destroying the whole world.
My rating: 65%.
__While watching the Donkey Kong 64 walkthrough, a question crossed my mind not for the first time. Are there any N64 games that use the L button?
__The Game Gear version of Ariel the Little Mermaid is basically the same as the Mega Drive one, but you move slower, the maps are far smaller, there are no sound effects at all, and the snakelike boss in stage three has only one head instead of three. Also, they got Flounder's colour wrong: his back is pink instead of blue.
__The kitchen level in Belle's Quest is a hilarious example of bad juxtaposition. The cutscene just said the servants treated Belle as an honoured guest, so now why is the cutlery trying to kill her?!
__Pinocchio is the same game on both consoles, but if I were to choose one, I'd probably favour the Super Nintendo version over the Sega one because the music is better and the puppet show dance is more intuitive. The Game Boy port is just a lesser copy that removes some levels, and the audio is unbearable.
__And now let's end with one particular Disney game about which I found I had enough to say to warrant a 250-word review.
Disney's Villains' Revenge (PC)
__I remember seeing this game advertised on a Disney video in my childhood (Mulan, I think). I'll never forget the commercial's final words: "Without you, there will be no happy endings." Well, after all these years, I've finally seen the game itself.
__There are four worlds to save, each by a different method. In Snow White, you brew potions to create a facsimile of the Prince. The Dumbo segment involves positioning characters like setting up dominoes. The Peter Pan one is mainly swordfights with Captain Hook. Alice in Wonderland is the most annoying: a hedge maze where the same handful of lines repeat endlessly.
__The voice acting is generally lacklustre, but the Evil Queen is especially noteworthy; she sounds nothing like the original voice!
__The graphics consist of 2D animated characters interacting with 3D backgrounds. For the most part, the 2D characters match their movie counterparts well, with the glaring exception of the Blue Fairy. Unfortunately, the game does itself no favours by playing clips from the movies, showcasing the stark contrast in animation quality.
__To sum it up, it's very plainly a kids' game, but a harmless enough one. I might have liked it if I had played it as a child, but there's not much to entertain adult players.
__My rating: 50%.
__I hope this unusually long post didn't take up too much of your time. I'll probably be watching a lot less in the coming month, because I'd like to get back to working on the top ten videos I started putting together a few months ago (if you're new here, it's a long story). My current plan is to start releasing them in January. So this post could almost be thought of as two months' worth of reviews.🙂
__Thanks for reading however much you did. See you next time.
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