First Impressions Quick-Fire Vol. 4

   In complete contrast to how busy I was last week, all I have this time is a trio of rentals. I was meaning to have another cinema marathon with Frozen, Carrie and Saving Mr Banks, but it turned out there were no cheap rooms available for the night, so that plan got scrapped. :( Maybe next week.
   And, on the subject of these rentals, it's got to the point where the shit outnumbers the good stuff so much that there weren't even any good movies available to me this week. :( I knew there'd be no light at the end of this tunnel; I was dreading all three of them.

The Heat (2013)

Director Paul Feig's follow-up to Bridesmaids is basically a buddy cop comedy with women. In a conceptual context, there's probably nothing I hate more than unprofessional police officers, so right from the opening scene, this movie was pissing me off! And, in terms of timing, there's nothing worse than a joke that goes on too long, like when Mullins keeps ranting about the captain's balls. It's an overlong movie, too: the scene where they pick up Mullins' family is a false transition to the third act. But overall, it's not as insufferable as I thought: just kind of messy, but with an admittedly pretty good climax. My rating: 25%.

The Hangover Part III (2013)

I loved the first Hangover, didn't like the second one, and as for the third one… well, at least it didn't just recycle the original formula, like the second one did. But it's still under the illusion that bluntly and shockingly dark equals funny. There's nothing remotely humorous about getting mixed up with gangsters when they're portrayed as cold-blooded killers. And you're not rooting for the characters to pull through either, because they're still complete douchebags. While I didn't care much for the movie overall, it didn't ruin the original for me; I'll just pretend neither of the sequels ever happened. My rating: 35%.

The Lone Ranger (2013)

To tell you the truth, I'm not surprised this movie bombed. It's boring! Every plot point is unsurprising, and all the performances are bland and forgettable; even Johnny Depp seems to be just going through the motions. The character of John Reid is grossly oversimplified: he goes straight from strict pacifist to toting guns left and right as the Lone Ranger. Plus, the context that's set up to tell the story in flashback is laughably stupid. I won't deny that the action scenes are superficially fun, with many inspired moments, but I don't think that's enough to really compensate. It's just a dull, generic, underwhelming blockbuster. My rating: 40%.