First Impressions: "Think Like a Man" + "Cosmopolis" (2012)

   This week's pair of rentals are Think Like a Man and Cosmopolis.
   But before I talk about them, I also want to point out that my copy of the Dark Knight trilogy box set arrived today! :D And in terms of how the discs are secured in place, it has to be the strangest DVD case I've ever seen! It's kind of hard to describe; you really just have to see it. It's not one of those buttons that holds the disc by the middle – you know the way. Instead, there are these two spring things that hold the disc at the bottom, so you have to push the disc downwards (horizontally) to release it. Have you ever seen a box set like that? Other than this and the Back to the Future Blu-ray set that James Rolfe mentioned in You Know What's Bullshit, I haven't!
   To sum up that sort of DVD case, I think OMD said it best: how bizarre! :D But it's simple when you know how. :)
   Anyway…

   Rental 1: Think Like a Man.
   It's based on Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man, which basically instructs women on how to be a keeper in a relationship. I'm pretty sure the book's incredibly sexist!
   Still, making a movie based around that book is actually not a bad idea. But what they do with it… is about as predictable as it gets. I'm usually not the kind of guy who complains about clichés, but this movie didn't surprise me at all. And it didn't even make up for that by giving me endearing characters. They're all just dull archetypes: some are full of themselves, one's pussywhipped, they all change their ways over the course of the movie and blah blah blah. We've seen it before. It's been done well before, but it's not done well here.
   It's an astonishingly long movie, too, with no regard for pacing.
   On the whole, it could have been worse, but I still wouldn't recommend it.
   My rating: 40%.

   Rental 2: Cosmopolis.
   It's directed by David Cronenberg, so, going in, I thought it was safe to assume that it was in safe hands. But alas, the movie turned out to be one of the most insufferably boring experiences I've had all year.
   It's more like an art house film than anything else. The cinematography is totally bizarre, with all kinds of weird, uncomfortable angles. And all the dialogue is just overly philosophical mumbo jumbo.
   Maybe it's all supposed to be a satire of modern society, but it's not a very accessible one! It's all just random encounters and uninteresting dialogue.
   I don't get it. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm not smart enough, or well enough informed, to get it. Maybe I don't know what all the rats symbolise. Maybe the themes of the future and capitalism are lost on me. But I don't care that I don't get it!
   So, technically speaking, Think Like a Man was probably the worse of the two movies. But personally speaking, man was Cosmopolis a tough sit!
   My rating: 35%.