Well, now that I've finished my marathon of M Night Shyamalan's filmography (I'm not watching The Last Airbender until I've seen the show), I also felt compelled to watch GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra in preparation for this year's GI Joe: Retaliation, since it seems the latter is a direct sequel. And, because I knew GI Joe was going to be bad (though, not to give anything away, but just like Lady in the Water, I really underestimated it!), the reportedly good movie I picked to offset it was Sideways.
GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra… is one of the worst action movies I've ever seen in my life! Yes, this was one of the most miserable two hours I've ever had! It's almost as bad as Transformers 2 – and believe me, coming from me, that is very, very bad indeed!
I should clarify first that I never watched the 80s GI Joe show, and I don't know how well this movie represents the characters from the toy line-up.
I can say, though, that the performances are all dull and uninspired, and the CGI is awful – some of the worst I've ever seen!
But I think the biggest problem is that the pacing is too fucking fast! The whole narrative rushes along far too quickly to allow you to take anything in. Even by about the five-minute mark, I was going, "Slow the fuck down!" Every scene feels like the movie's in a hurry to just get it over with.
The fact that the action scenes are so frequent, and so terribly shot and edited, makes things even more insufferable. Again, it's all cut far too quickly, and the pacing doesn't let anything set itself up properly, so no moment is given the chance to be exciting.
And the last act is a symphony of woefully predictable clichés.
In a nutshell, this movie is way too fast-paced for its own good. The inconsiderate pace and absolutely abysmal effects make it a raw showcase of pure frustration.
My rating: turkey.
Sideways follows two best friends, Jack and Miles, who are spending the last week before Jack's wedding in California's wine country.
I always have a tough time reviewing movies like this – comedy dramas that are fairly grounded in reality – because there's not really that much to critique. But in short, I really liked Sideways.
The movie basically invites you to share Jack and Miles' journey and follow their trials and tribulations, and it's definitely a fun and even enlightening journey.
Jack and Miles themselves sort of contrast each other: Jack always believes in living life to its fullest, but often acts on impulse without thinking ahead, while Miles is more cynical and reserved, especially since his divorce. I can't psychoanalyse the characters the way Doug Walker did, but I will say this. I don't know what this'll say about me, but I'd say I'm more like Miles (minus the divorce), so I'd need someone like Jack to encourage me to take some chances.
So much of the movie is very down-to-earth that, whenever there is a funny moment, it's all the funnier because it seems genuinely out of the ordinary. For example, I won't dare reveal the pickle that Jack ends up in towards the end! :D
To sum up, if you're looking for a movie that takes you on an experience that feels very real, with some bumps in the road but is overall a good time, I say give Sideways a watch.
My rating: 80%.
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