I’m happy to be male, and I’m also glad I’m human. Now, in the human world, males and females are finally receiving equal treatment, although still not everywhere. But in the animal world, being male or female can make a big difference to how your life turns out.
If you’re a female black widow spider, you really have it made. You’ve only got to worry about predators that want to eat you, and most wild animals have that worry. But if you’re male, you have to watch out for predators, and you also have to worry about the intentions of that female spider you’ve been dating. A lot of black widow males never get a chance to kiss and tell, because the females eat them after they mate. Male scorpions sometimes have the same problem. So if you had to be a scorpion, it would be better to be a female scorpion.
If you’re a female lion, it’s mostly up to you to bring home the bacon. And the zebra. And the wildebeest. And then the males eat first (the ungrateful cads!), and you get what’s left over. Now, if you’re a male lion, you can lie around a lot of the time. But it’s your job to protect the pride, and sooner or later you’ll have to face something really frightening.
…One of these! Yes, as a male lion, you’ll have to fight with other males to keep your territory. So you’d better keep in shape, or you’ll soon be sitting on a termite mound all by yourself, wondering what went wrong!
If you’re reasonably sociable and you have leadership qualities, you’ll be better off as a female in the elephant world. It’s the females who stay together, and it’s a female who leads the herd. If you’re a male, you’ll be kicked out of the family circle sooner or later, and you’ll only be allowed to visit when the females want you to. But you can go off and push down a tree or two to make yourself feel better, or find some other males to brood with.
Now, in the world of Cape hunting dogs, the situation is reversed. The males stay together in the clan, and most females get pushed out when they are fully grown. So it’s the females who have to leave on their own, shredding a zebra or a young wildebeest now and then, living homeless until they find a clan that will take them in.
If you’re a male toad or frog, you will soon find yourself interested in females and you’ll feel like croaking. But, although the females are bound to be impressed with your croaking skills, there’s a danger in making music out in the wilderness. You might attract someone else’s attention.
…Like this sly serpent. It doesn’t matter what gender the snake is, and the snake doesn’t care whether its prey is male or female. One toad tastes much like the next, and they all taste very good to a snake!
If you’re the sedentary type, you would do well to be born as a queen in the ant world. After your first flight to find a mate, you won’t have to move a muscle. You’ll be waited on hand and foot. Of course, you will also have to lay thousands of eggs in your lifetime!
Both male and female platypuses lead fairly tranquil lives. But if you’re going to encounter animals that want to fight, or that want to eat you, it would be better to be male. Only the males have venomous spurs on their hind legs. One swift kick can leave a small animal paralysed or a person numb for hours.
In the world of the wolf, it doesn’t make much difference whether you’re male or female. Either way, you will still have to hunt, and you’ll have to learn the rules of the pack. You won’t be allowed to mate or have babies unless you’re the male or female leader.
If you’re born a mouse, you’re already in trouble! Whether you’re male or female, millions of predators all over the world want to have you for dinner. Or breakfast. Or lunch. But if you’re lucky enough to survive until adulthood, you will probably want to be male unless you really love kids. As a female mouse, you could have hundreds of babies in your lifetime.
All in all, it makes you glad to be a human, doesn’t it? Because of our evolution, we enjoy a lot more choice in our lives.
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