As I mentioned before, while I was in England, I went up to London with my friend John and his mother Debbie. While Debbie was off doing her own thing, John and I visited Madame Tussauds, which turned out to be the bulk of our London trip as a whole. We wanted to see Buckingham Palace as well, because we were also in London last year but didn’t get to it. But we ended up spending so much time at Madame Tussauds that we never got round to it this time either.
Actually, let me digress slightly to explain what happened last year. That time, we saw a couple of the key London sights, like Westminster and the British Museum, and we walked along the river and passed right underneath the London Eye. We happened upon what we assumed to be the avenue to Buckingham Palace at one point, but didn’t actually follow it; we were heading in the other direction, because we were looking for Trafalgar Square.
So anyway, Madame Tussauds. For those of you who are ignorant slobs (like me), it’s a wax museum – probably one of the most famous in the world, with branches in several other major cities. Now, obviously, I wouldn’t want to spoil everything for anyone thinking of visiting it themselves. Though I probably wouldn’t be able to do that anyway, because I gather the wax sculptures are on a rotation – possibly traded among the other international branches – so there’s no guarantee that you’ll see the exact same assortment each time you visit. I’m just here to recap the ones that I remember seeing.
Well, the first thing to mention is how long it took to get in! There was quite a queue outside the door, and when we finally got to the front, we saw a notice warning that the actual ticket desk was still an hour away!
The ticket desk was at the end of a long passageway dotted with a few wax sculptures and various other displays. For example, Tom Hanks was standing in one corner. There was one of those panoramas with a hole to put your face through (I’m sure those things have a name, but I’ve never heard it used): in this case, your head was on a pike, having been decapitated! There was a policeman at the foot of the stairs right before the ticket desk, whom we thought at first was supposed to be Nicholas Angel from Hot Fuzz. But I think he was really just supposed to be an anonymous London police constable. Especially since he was standing next to another London landmark: a phone box.
And when we got up the stairs, there was still a weaving series of rope barriers leading up to the ticket desk – you know the way. It’s like they went out of their way to make the queue stretch as long as possible!
I should also mention that they had an offer on, allowing you to save money by booking with Madame Tussauds and one or more of three other major London attractions: Sea Life, the London Dungeon and the London Eye. But John and I decided against it just because of sheer monetary value. It cost £30 apiece just to get into Madame Tussauds, so to get it with something else would have cost a total of £100 or so.
So the first chamber was Andy Warhol-related, with a sculpture of Warhol himself and two women that I guessed were his models or something. There was an opportunity to get a professional picture taken and done in the style of a Warhol portrait. Neither John nor I had any interest in doing that, though.
But next was the main exhibit. I think they were calling it the Red Carpet Party or something. I recognised most of the Hollywood celebrities on display, but obviously not all of them.
The ones we noticed first, standing in a line, were (in order): Morgan Freeman, Russell Brand – probably the only time you’ll see those two standing together; one that I guessed to be Julia Roberts – we weren’t close enough to see their tags; Leonardo DiCaprio, whose eyebrows were so thin that they made him look Chinese or something; Nicole Kidman, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Miley Cyrus, and a couple at the end that I didn’t recognise.
Across the room from that line, there was a stage framed by two alcoves. On the stage were Colin Firth, Kate Winslet and Helen Mirren. In one of the alcoves was Cheryl Cole, and in the other were Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
In one corner was another opportunity to get a professional photograph taken – with Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Yeah, John and I avoided that one like the plague!
Tom Cruise was there – significantly taller than I thought! He was on the other side of a pillar from someone I’ll get to in a moment. George Clooney was there too. But I only recognised him because of his hair colour and the suit he was wearing; the face itself looked nothing like George Clooney.
Now, that room contained both the most lifelike figures in the whole museum and the absolute worst. Many of the other faces in the museum were almost spot-on, but Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman were probably the best of them all. But by far the absolute worst was Brad Pitt. It looked nothing like Brad Pitt! It looked more like someone you’d see in a 60s gangster movie or something!
But, to make up for that, that room also contained an overload of awesomeness: Patrick Stewart and Sean Connery in the same room! :D Patrick Stewart was on the other side of the aforementioned pillar from Tom Cruise, and Sean Connery was right at the end of the room, next to George Clooney.
So following the Red Carpet Party (or whatever it was called) was a long hallway divided into several sections. Not by walls or anything, but it was just a few areas with a common theme.
There was a sports section. I have no interest in sports whatsoever, so I hardly knew any of the faces there. But I recognised David Beckham, of course. And Usain Bolt. And I remember Tiger Woods and Pelé were on a stand together.
Then there were a few historical figures, and the Royal Family across from them. The historical figures included Henry VIII standing between Elizabeth I and Mary, Queen of Scots, and the only other one I remember is Princess Diana. And the Royal Family included the Queen herself and Prince Philip, obviously, and also Prince William and Kate Middleton. Separate from them were Edward VIII and Wallis, Duchess of Windsor. I don’t think I need to explain the appropriateness of their separation!
Next up, across from a kiosk offering wax hands cast (John actually got one done), there were several key figures in the fields of science and literature, plus one or two in art. First was Sir Isaac Newton, who was holding a small glass object that really bewildered me. But then I looked at his tag, and it said he was a prime innovator in optics, so I guessed it was prism or something. Then there was Albert Einstein; I was surprised to see how short he was! In front of both of them was, to my surprise, Stephen Hawking. Next came Isambard Kingdom Brunel, William Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde. (John was surprised to find that he was Irish!) There was someone whom John guessed was Charles Dickens; there was no tag at all for him. And next to him were Vincent van Gogh and… Pablo Picasso, I think.
Next came a pretty big pop music section. As we went in, immediately to our left were the Beatles (pretty early on, from the look of it), and immediately to our right was… ugh… Justin Bieber! Going clockwise from the Beatles, there was ABBA, Michael Jackson (the wall next to him was almost like a shrine to him), and a stage boasting several other figures, of whom I only remember a handful. The ones I do clearly remember are Rihanna, Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga in the Telephone attire, Freddie Mercury, Leona Lewis and Beyoncé. (Beyoncé was pretty off!) There were three other figures in front of the stage: Christina Aguilera (I was amazed at how tiny she was!), Robbie Williams and Bob Marley – the latter of whom I didn’t see at first, not until we backtracked later on.
And the final section was all to do with politics. On one side of a stand were several people who we assumed to be civil rights leaders, since Gandhi and Nelson Mandela were among them, and on the other side were Winston Churchill and Adolf Hitler. There were four figures of present-day British parliament, including Boris Johnson and David Cameron himself, standing in front of a Downing Street set. Across from them was a line of leaders I don’t remember or care about. After all, if there’s one thing that interests me less than sports, it’s politics. And finally, there was one more professional photograph being taken: of you behind the desk at the White House with Barack Obama! John decided to get that picture taken, and he got it printed and took it home.
So that was the end of the waxworks galleries, but there were still a few more attractions in store.
I remember, at one point, there was a display explaining the life of Madame Tussaud herself, and across from that was a demonstration of all the steps of creating a wax sculpture. The face bust of Beyoncé at the end of that looked far better than the actual model on display!
Then there was the Chamber of Horrors, which, for me, was completely underwhelming. I’ve seen so many horror movies that I’m certainly desensitised to stuff that’s tame enough to be a public display like that. The place was done in the style of a dark insane asylum, and they had live actors as the inmates, who’d sometimes lunge at you. But they assured us before we went in that they wouldn’t actually touch us, and they requested that we not touch them either. But really, the only kind of scary part for me was occasionally having a bright light shone in your face, which dazzled you so that, for a moment, you couldn’t see where you were going.
At either end of the Chamber of Horrors were a few displays of some olden-day torture methods, including a wax sculpture of Vlad the Impaler.
Then there was a ride called The Spirit of London. The cars were in the style of London taxis, and it was basically a train ride through the history of London. Not much to say there except that my favourite part was the smell when it got to the Black Death: that was pretty effective.
And the final attraction of note was an interactive movie called Marvel Super Heroes 4D.
In the passage leading up to it were sculptures of the various Marvel superheroes, including Spider-Man in an upside-down room, Wolverine in a cage, Nick Fury (with the Samuel L Jackson likeness, of course), Captain America (again, the movie version) and Iron Man. The Incredible Hulk took up two floors, with his hand coming through the railing of the balcony on the upper level, so that you could pose in his fist if you wanted to.
Now, the last time I saw the word “4D” used in a title was for Spy Kids 4, so I was really hoping this movie wouldn’t use that stupid Aroma-Scope gimmick. But no, it’s an interactive movie more along the lines of Honey, I Shrunk the Audience at Disneyland. For example, when Spider-Man shoots his web, you’ll feel a cold blast of air behind you to match. Also, it’s a 360° movie, so you’re watching it on the domed ceiling above you. (Someone once told me they saw Transformers in a cinema like that. I can only imagine how annoying that would be!)
Anyway, the movie was pretty underwhelming too. One of my main gripes with 3D as a whole is that I never sit in the right spot for the glasses to focus right. I don’t know if other people have that problem, but it’s something I’ve run into every single time I see a 3D movie.
Also, the “interactive” effects weren’t in any way realistic. For example, when Wolverine drew his claws, I felt prods in the seat digging into my back. John said he hadn’t felt that, so I guess it was only in some seats. But still, how does it in any way simulate Wolverine’s claws?
And the film itself was just plain silly. The dialogue was overly goofy and melodramatic. Maybe it was trying to appeal to kids or something. And it did get pretty laughable at times. Like why would the Marvel superheroes’ secret base be in Madame Tussauds?! :D And, as John pointed out, why was there only one guard at Buckingham Palace?
It did get me thinking, though. I want to see the villain Doctor Doom in one of the upcoming Marvel movies! :)
So there you have it. That was my personal Madame Tussauds experience. Like I said, maybe you’ll have an entirely different one. In any case, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. John and I had to pay a total of £60 to get in, and I’d say we definitely got our money’s worth! :)
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